It's kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. But I'm aiming toward "don't" for the moment and we'll see what unfolds.
It's odd though to be focused on my own suffering after so much time spent these last months on my daughter's. She looks good though. Today is injection day, and she's really ok with that. She still has the tube dangling from her face; the bandages beginning to peal from her cheek (having been there for so long now).
The house has more than a hint of the sourness of dirty laundry sitting about. Gordon, does it when he remembers and when he has time. I cannot complain. He's been amazing, caring for all of us and keeping up at work. (Besides, timing the laundry with every one's showers and the dishwasher is always complicated with an insufficient septic system). Today, I'm officially "not contagious" to anyone so if I can manage to slink down the stairs, I can finally help with that.
I just want Spring...no Summer to be here already...warm and unencumbered with kids needing to be any one place at any particular time. I envision all of us healthy-long morning walks with the dog-lazy afternoons at the pool with the girls-windows open to gentle, cleansing breezes in the evenings. I imagine doctors appointments scheduled for six months in the future, instead of every three weeks for Rosie. (although that's an improvement over what it was).
I know that sounds a bit hypocritical from one who speaks so often of the value of living in the present moment-yet that is where my mind, perhaps all of me, desires to be.
Ahh, desire. Once again, patience is the middah (soul trait) I am faced with. The quality I am struggling against; with full understanding (at least full on an intellectual level) that it is precisely what I need to embrace.
So patience, continued rest and the joy of sunshine streaming though the windows are today's spiritual practices.