Shine the Divine:

Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sunshine and Patience

It's such a gorgeous sunny day here in NH. I'm enjoying the light through the windows. I skipped my morning dose of Gabapentin...hoping today will be different and I'll be able to tolerate the pain until my 3pm dose. We'll see. I took some tylenol, to help buffer the pain. So far so good, but I'm still in bed and it's nearly 10. Although I have mentioned the connection between fear and pain, there is a part of me that has chosen to forget exactly how scary pain is. But the nausea from the meds is horrible too. The few times I've gotten in the car the past couple of weeks to go to my doctor's appointments I feel car sick...so I'd much rather be home. Yesterday, just getting up and down the steps made the world feel like it was spinning way too fast to support me. My head just swims if it's not up against pillows.

It's kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. But I'm aiming toward "don't" for the moment and we'll see what unfolds.

It's odd though to be focused on my own suffering after so much time spent these last months on my daughter's. She looks good though. Today is injection day, and she's really ok with that. She still has the tube dangling from her face; the bandages beginning to peal from her cheek (having been there for so long now).

The house has more than a hint of the sourness of dirty laundry sitting about. Gordon, does it when he remembers and when he has time. I cannot complain. He's been amazing, caring for all of us and keeping up at work. (Besides, timing the laundry with every one's showers and the dishwasher is always complicated with an insufficient septic system). Today, I'm officially "not contagious" to anyone so if I can manage to slink down the stairs, I can finally help with that.

I just want Spring...no Summer to be here already...warm and unencumbered with kids needing to be any one place at any particular time. I envision all of us healthy-long morning walks with the dog-lazy afternoons at the pool with the girls-windows open to gentle, cleansing breezes in the evenings. I imagine doctors appointments scheduled for six months in the future, instead of every three weeks for Rosie. (although that's an improvement over what it was).

I know that sounds a bit hypocritical from one who speaks so often of the value of living in the present moment-yet that is where my mind, perhaps all of me, desires to be.

Ahh, desire. Once again, patience is the middah (soul trait) I am faced with. The quality I am struggling against; with full understanding (at least full on an intellectual level) that it is precisely what I need to embrace.

So patience, continued rest and the joy of sunshine streaming though the windows are today's spiritual practices.

1 comment:

  1. I think your feelings are perfectly understandable. It is hard to stay in the present moment when it's kind of icky. Summer is coming. :) Lots of healing thoughts being sent your way.

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