Shine the Divine:

Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Are we ever prepared?

Unripe Pomegranate...
Dare I blog today...it has been such a long time. Guess it's time to step back into this abundant internet sea. how to start. Well. After 5 months of living (very patiently I must say) with vestibular neuritis...with love, acupuncture, pt and again I must add patience...I was well. REALLY healthy and energetic for 2 glorious summer months. Gordon, the girls and I played in the sunshine, the ocean, the mountains, the pool. I walked every day and re-built my shriveled up legs...somedays 7 miles (broken into 4 in the morning and 3 in the aftenoon). I started to take a delightful Nia class...danced and felt my body and spirit growing stronger. And then.... my vision became strange...first blurry, then double, then objects would become translucent and move in strange ways. I started to have pain in my left arm and my legs became weaker. Gordon took me to the ER. 12 hours, a CT scan, neurological exam and spinal tap later we went home. Not knowing if it was brain tumor, aneurysm, lyme disease or the remote (thats what the doc said at the time) chance of Ms. MRI's the next day. Spinal fluid came back with oligoclonal bands...yup. MS. so next...5 days of iv solumedrol (steroids). It is now 4 days since we stopped the steroids. No major positive changes yet. In the midst of this our beloved kitty Lev was murdered in the woods by we believe a fischer. Horrible...the girls found his mangled body in the woods with the assistance of our darling poodle Ellie. It was the second day of Rosh Hashannah...the birth of the world. We held a moving funeral for him...including Rosie blowing the Shofar (traditional for Rosh Hashannah) our way of releasing his boundless soul out into eternity. So where is the creativity, the art in living at times like these? I tell you friends. I feel it in the beauty of sunlight that does make it to my altered eyes (I have a third cranial nerve palsy-the world often appears like a Salvador Dali Painting to me)...I experience the creativity in the way we throw together impromptu meals of leftovers...even in the terribly sad but exquisite reciting of Kaddish over our little cat's grave. We invented the perfect ritual for him...that was pure creative love. The conversations about the nature of God, existence, and how will we manage...are daily spiritual practices that I engage in with my husband and daughters. I continue to meditate daily...to offer myself and my loved ones reiki. To discover the essence of healing that flows deeper than the fragile container of my painful weak body. I pray that my body will mend some in time. It is a very mysterious disease. I am learning a great deal and feeling so much love from so many friends, family members, teachers and colleagues. On Monday, the Jewish Holy-Day of Yom Kippur will be upon us. I'd like to share this brief exchange I shared with my friend in an e-mail:
My friend:what do you need to do to prepare to go into the holy of holies...what do you leave behind and what do you take with you...and can everyone enter?
Me: what do I need to enter the holy of holies...I think I'm there right now. And the truth, I believe is that there is nothing we need at all, but to BE Present to the holiness...the smoke, the fire, the pain and the cleansing. This...living life to the best of our abilities IS the HOLY of HOLIES! not a special separate closeted tent...but being open and exposed to life's tragic beauty. I must emphasize beauty! My girls are learning about the transience of soul...the fragility of the vessels we call bodies...deep Torah unfolding moment by moment. And yes it is terribly painful. And yes it is exquisite all at the same time. simple complex same thing.

6 comments:

  1. As you show, Laura, the soul is not transient, but the permanent thing, the stable thing even when other things are fragile. That's how you are teaching and inspiring us even at this terribly hard time.

    Jon

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  2. thank you wise one! I suppose I meant transient as in moving from a place of encasement to expansiveness...but indeed you are correct...the soul is as solid as solid can really be.
    shana tova my rav

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  3. I feel blessed, uplifted and full of love reading what you have written Laura. Thank you for continuing to be in communication with us about what you are feeling and thinking and experiencing. Beautiful, beautiful!

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  4. thank you brightside! How perfectly your "name" expresses the Divine Spark we all exude from our bright-in-side!

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  5. You are an amazing woman with a wise soul. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us all! It is great to read your words in bloglandia today.

    {soul hugs}
    Kathryn

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