Shine the Divine:

Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

New Mountains to Climb: MRI -Tysabri Adventure Weekend

This is me sitting on top of I think Mt. Hedgehog, two summers ago (I think, not positive-Gordon and I climbed several peaks that weekend-celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary sans children). Now the mountains I climb look like staircases to the naked eye, but inside they are higher and the view is broader, expanding across the inner landscape of my consciousness. I like how small and peaceful I look in this photo, after a physically challenging hike for me at that time. I had no idea then what kind of adventures were ahead of me and my family. I still don't know, of course what lies over the next mountain for us...and still somehow, I can feel small and peaceful and grateful for the strength that gets me to to top of each new peak.

Friday Morning: 7:15 am
I waiting for MRI….in the waiting room theme from Rocky playing on the radio…crack me up.
That’s me the champ going to roll up to the MRI machine like a real fighter, (LOL).

The rest is written from memory...too busy to write during time my sister here. So go figure it take 3 time to get needle into my vein to give me contrast dye for MRI…poor young technician, sweetest young man feel terrible…I tell him it ok..I have Kevlar veins, not his fault! I make him laugh. When I meet my sister again in waiting room she tell me the music stuck on loop…play theme from Rocky whole 3 hours she wait for me…like torture! We laugh so hard! We originally from Philadelphia so even funnier imagining her pushing me up stairs to Philadelphia Art Museum in my wheelchair…might have taken her 3 hours!!!!! (unlike Sylvester Stallone) Then we go stop have lunch…I decide I want to stretch after sitting in wheelchair and then laying on MRI table so long, so I use my cane and walk slowly. I look on ground (always look at ground if I use my cane, be careful not to fall) I find a penny pick it up give it to her to give her daughter, because my niece always find money on the ground and it a family joke.

(skip ahead for just a moment to Saturday morning)
Next day I receive a lovely story from my friend Noreen about a wealthy man who find penny on the ground and the woman he with not understand why wealthy man bother to pick up a dirty penny from the ground…here is explanation:
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America " 
"No, not that; read further." 
"One cent?" "No, keep reading." 
"In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?" 
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment.. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!

(Back to Friday)
This makes my penny find even more amazing because a few minutes later we would be at the infusion center and God was telling me, not to worry...and I did feel safe...even though I didn't read the words In God We (I) Trust on the penny...I just had faith anyway.

After that we go for my Tysabri. Unfortunately, medicine not there when we get there…I supposed to start infusion at 1pm….get IV started (thank God she got line in on first try!) start saline drip…not have medicine to start until 3 pm (mind you I’ve already been up since 5:15), but not complain…start medicine. Half-hour in I start to get a bit of headache, so we tell the nurse. She calls doctor. Slow it down to half speed and give me some Tylenol. Headache clear up….so then after medicine in my body we still have to wait around one more hour for observation. Everything fine!

We get home to my house 6:30pm. Really long day. The whole time we at the infusion center, my sister and I go back through memory lane…so much fun we go through a list in our minds and aloud all the TV shows we watched as kids, what were our favorites. We remember lots of things about being children. It was such a comfort and joy to just remember together. We not spend time alone together in many years because we both have kids and whenever we get together (every summer and sometimes on holidays) so many other people, around... our children, our siblings, parents, cousins, nieces, nephew…so this really unique since before we were married. This sister, Amy is 5 years older than me, I always look up to her when I was a child, but then in college I was at Temple University and she in Medical School at Hahnemann right down Broad Street in Philadelphia…so then we become even closer, then when little kids. Our children are close together in ages too. But we moved away 10 years ago to NH so this was really amazing to just be two of us for 12 hours of my medical treatments!

(Looking back Saturday through Sunday)
Next day, she help me organize my bedroom and make it more pleasant…(I am not the most organized, neat person, I suppose my excuse is that I am an artist by nature. Also, just a bit lazy, and living with chronic fatigue for so many years, perfect house a deep desire, but ultimately not a high priority. Last year when I was sick for 5 months I could do nothing to get house in order, because of vestibular issues. In the summer when I felt well for 7 weeks, I chose not to deal with organizing the house, because my kids were on vacation from school and it was more important to spend every waking moment enjoying life with them....I figured, once they started school I'd have plenty of time to get the house back into shape...then a couple days before school started I had my next exacerbation and MS you get the picture!) Mostly I lay on bed and watch, because I so tired, and every time I bend over I get dizzy like I going to pass out…so I tell her where to put things, and she do it for me. So kind, so generous-besides, she my sister, I see her worst messes she see mine! Then in afternoon we take the girls out to lunch and shopping. At lunch while my sister is getting the food from the counter my girls say to me confidentially "You and Aunt Amy just like us! Really best friends!"-I loved to hear this from my girls who, except for typical small sister arguments, truly are best friends).

So there we are, me in my wheelchair…I became the shopping cart; kids put everything on my lap like a basket! I exhausted, but so happy for my girls to have this special time with their Aunt and Mom. Then in evening, Belin have first sweet 16 party of all her friends, so we dress her up. She stunning in black cocktail dress and bright red lipstick (the party was Twighlight Book Theme-Vampire…so I insist on bright red lipstick!-Belin is shy and not so sure about this....but she looks gorgeous!) I put her hair in chignon and I tell you she look like Grace Kelly to me! Then Rosie, Gordon, Amy and I play Apples to Apples and giggle at silliness of the game, eat pizza and play with the dog, who has to be in middle of everything. And MY LIFE FEELS FULL AND PERFECT. I still need cane to get around house. I still cannot speak proper English, I tired, my legs hurt like I ran a marathon, but, so what?

This morning my sister leaves in airport van. I stand at door and cry. I miss her already, and I feel my heart burst with gratitude for so much love. My life is not easy, my life is not the one most people would ever choose. MY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD AND FILLED WITH MORE LOVE THAN MAYBE I DESERVE, BUT I ACCEPT IT ALL WITH JOY AND GRATITUDE (an I hope humility too).

Throughout the last few days, I have received so many messages of encouragement and appreciation from so many people for my honesty, for inspiring others. I just be myself, and happy if I am inspiring…because so many people inspire me!…and that's what we are here to do right? Bring out “inner-spirit” of each other so we can all shine as fully as possible, Divine light into the world and see this magnificent illumination in each others faces. (...or words, or art, or actions, smiles, tears, hugs…)

I received so many responses to my Mega Moebius Gratitude Quilt for Thanksgiving request…Going to be amazing!!!!!!! Thank you everyone, can’t wait until it go up on Thanksgiving Day!

Namaste….I see the light in all of you in your words shining though your hearts across the world through the Internet to me.



  1. Hi Laura,

    Isn't it funny how people focus so much on money but forget that it always has on it "In God We Trust"?

    Glad to hear that you had a fun time with your sister. I live in the Philadelphia area and it was nice to read about your memories. I know all the areas you mentioned.

    Please know that you are always in my prayers and thank you so much for doing what you can to spread gratitude this coming Thanksgiving. I am grateful and blessed to know you!

    With love and hugs,
    Nadia - Happy Lotus

  2. Thanks Nadia...I think there are many of us working together to remind each other about how much we have been graced with in this life...You of course are part of this special team of EACH (Earth Angels Creating Harmony)...oooh I like that, I just made it up!

  3. Hello there,
    thank you for stopping by!
    That photograph taken on the mountain is simply spectacular... What a view you must have had! I sort of breathe easier just by looking at it.

  4. So glad it brings you ease Maria Therese! Me too! I am fortunate to live so close to these ancient mountains! We were lucky to have one hike this summer before I got sick again...maybe next summer there will be many hikes...I hope so.

  5. An amazing post, from an amazing person! Your light shines on all of us sweetie and we can feel the vibes from here. Can you feel them coming bouncing, jumping and hoping right back to you???
    Thank you for sharing xxxxx

  6. absolutely Pixie pal!

  7. It sounds like you had a fantastic time with your sister. Though MS may change your body, your spirit is one of Light and Love. Your words resonate a Power greater than yourself. You are an amazing soul. you can climb your mount Everest of stairs and tackle the Ganges river tub, and sit in perfect harmony meditating while looking out on the high peaks through your window. Your accomplishments are great as is the depth of your heart. One of my many prayers is for a cure for MS. It has struck family members and friends and deserves to be knocked out of existence.... Someday... until then, we Hope and we keep shedding the Light of Love, Hope and Compassion... one breath at a time... We will make it through. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Blessings. Love and Light, Nina P.

  8. Laura! Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and giving me a chance to visit yours. It is a blog site I will be spending a lot of time at as I love what I see and I want to get to know you. I will blog after the holidays about my test results on the 17th but I will tell you that the thyroid cancer came back negative but I am so exhausted that they're afraid I have a secondary blood cancer so testing has begun anew. As if I wasn't tired enough from chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Isn't Deb the most beautiful person? I so love her blog and someday home to meet her at her ocean. Take care.

  9. Hi Laura,
    SO glad you had your sister with you for that marathon of a day!! Your visit together sounds like a beautifully loving concentrated time that will keep you smiling for weeks, just thinking back about it. And the two generations of sisters out on a shopping adventure? what could be more fun - I feel happy for you that you were able to do that.
    I absolutely love the story of finding the coin, and I will forever think of you when I look down and bend to pick up the reminder to Trust in God. Thank you!
    I, too, applaud your generosity of spirit in sharing this adventure you are on so openly - I know it can't be easy rallying your energies. I hope your recent treatments are helping you feel stronger and stronger. May remission be soon to come.
    love, Karin

  10. What can I say, but may you all be blessed seven fold with the kindness, compassion and healing you offer me!

  11. Laura,
    How blessed you are to have such a loving and generous sister. And your daughter's party sounds so fun. What a beautiful memory you created for her. I imagine she will blossom into the vision you are holding for her. :-) I commend you for staying strong and positive through these treatments. May healing be yours...

    And I am really looking forward to your Thanksgiving creation. It sounds fabulous and because you are so very creative, I am sure it will be. Blessings upon you.


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