Shine the Divine:

Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wednesday Evening


long day. finished 1000mg solumedrol 2 days ago...on it for 3 days. Now my body is exhausted. I cannot stand on my own. My souls of my feet burn like they on fire. My palms of hands same thing. My legs shake randomly. I had to crawl up the stairs again tonight...like Mt Everest or something....so slowly I crawled. got to the top then hard wood floor. part crawl, part slide on wood...look up at bed....looks so high...I begin to cry...how am I going to get on the bed? Gordon lift me up gently and get me there. I start to sob..."I'm like animal" Then my dog Ellie, sweet Ellie come in with silly cone on her head because of hurt paw. I stop crying. I appologize to dog...."of course I animal, just like you! And I love you. Thank God I can still crawl." No more tears tonight. Now I rest. Gordon says,"honey in few days new medicine, steroids out of body you will feel strong again". I pray with my whole heart this will be true. I can't even believe I am sharing this raw emotion online....must be the steroids...but I'm an honest blogger right? So I have to share what is happening...this is what keeps me going....I still can type on my macbook...I can still communicate...I can still crawl...I can still hear my girls downstairs giggling, enjoying a movie about mammals...they love animals too. I can feel the cool air on my face in my room, it a chilly November evening. It ok now...I going to be ok. Thank you whoever reads this for understanding that some days I struggle harder than others. Some nights are longer. I'm so tired soon I shall sleep and feel peace and gratitude that yes I made it up the steps, Gordon help me into bed, he loves me no matter what. This is not edited...not like me...but I'm changing so much every minute everyday...that ok too. Sorry, no pictures today...too tired to look for perfect image...too tired to play with font or color....just write words from my heart.

change mind...add photo...my daughter holding a bubble...I feel like this bubble now...perfect, beautiful, transparent and temporary...here for just a moment in grand scheme of all life. This a blessing too...this moment to stop and remember how fragile and lovely life is.

9 comments:

  1. Rest tonight dear soul. Be the bubble and let your spirit float away. Tonight rest and gain strength for tomorrow is another day. Each breath brings new hope, new light. Breathe in the energy of the ages, breathe out the pain and fatigue, breathe in new possibilities breathe out negativity, breathe in to let go and let God, Breathe out the exhaustion, Breathe in accomplishments, breathe out self doubt, breathe in relaxation, breathe out stress, breathe in the softness of the moon, breathe out the frustrations of the day, breathe in and feel the life force growing in you,.... You are not your illness and your illness is not you. You are a spirit of Light and knowledge. Rest, regenerate, renew, and relax. Let your mind soar to dreamlands beyond imagination, where healing is in each breath. May you find your Peace tonight, May you Dream of possibilities and miracles, and may you sleep well and wake refreshed and renewed. Sleep dear one, sleep. Healing thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. Blessings to you and yours. Love and Light, Nina P

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  2. thank you sweet nina...it 7:30am, sun half way up through the trees...indeed it is a new day...my mood is uplifted I feel the sun shining into my soul and my soul shining back out...like breathing in and out. I had a good sleep. Still cannot walk well yet this morning, but that ok. My sister come tonight...I can't wait to hug her!

    As I read your words this morning it helped me feel ease in each breath.
    xoxox
    Laura

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  3. Hi Laura,

    Nothing lasts forever and like your husband said, in a few days you will feel strong again. Life is truly fragile and lovely. And everything seems to be on a cycle of some kind. Just hold on and give your best to the moment. All of this is just making you stronger not only as a person but stronger in your faith in God. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with all of us. You are being a teacher in your own way.

    Love and blessings to you,
    Nadia - Happy Lotus

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  4. Thank you Nadia,
    I miss teaching so much! I taught teens yoga art jewish spirituality for 7 years..and then adult through yoga and soulcollage...I miss being with people in person...but as we all know change the only thing we can depend on so maybe soon I be well enough to go out and teach face to face again. I loved your blog that I read today!

    sun is shining gorgeous through my woods out my window...that make me happy today!

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  5. I appreciate that you are an honest blogger, Laura. There are those who would hide or not share these very vulnerable moments. I believe, though, that we are all part of One Consciousness, and that by sharing with others, the entire body of One gains strength and support. Your sharing shows that you trust in others to carry you when needed and you aren't afraid to be vulnerable. It shows Love instead of Fear. Thank you for loving us enough to share your journey. I cry with you looking up at the bed. My heart is filled with gratitude when Gordon lifts you gently. I smile when I think of Ellie being with you. I pray that your sister's visit lifts your spirit and you are filled with golden light. (I love Nina's words for you!)

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  6. Dearest Laura, Sending you healing light. Thank you for sharing your journey. You strengthen me.

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  7. so much love to you laura... mmm, nina's words are lovely... step by step, breath by breath... lovely, shining Being that you are... xx

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  8. Laura,
    Your words touch me so deeply; your full presence in that place of suffering and vulnerability, beauty and clarity. Truth, no matter how raw, is most powerful to our own healing, happening when light is shown upon it, allowing it to be seen. Brave you are, sharing and being so fully in this place. I thank you for allowing us to witness and reflect. I hold you fully in my heart, knowing your sister soul as my own.
    So glad your real sister will be with you, to hold you, to comfort you, to laugh and cry with you.
    Blessings my friend, I send you love.
    Karin

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  9. Thank you everyone for you heart-full comments. Everything go well yesterday...I write about experience for blog tomorrow...but I feel all your love and it help me all day yesterday. Today I spend day with my sister and husband and kids. I feel pretty good, only little headache yesterday, not too bad. And good news...last night I WALK up steps with my cane slow, but not crawl!!!!!

    all will be well.

    much love,
    Laura

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