Shine the Divine:

Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Loop Together Some Thoughts

A story scarf, not quite done...

I decided not to do a lot of editing on today’s entry; I just don’t have the energy. So I leave you for today with these raw ramblings:

“Loop together some thoughts”.

I just got off the phone with my dear, dear chevruta Terri. Those were her parting words of wisdom. We had a quick conversation between her yoga classes; me dumping my tale of woe for the day, Terri dumping hers. Supporting each other lovingly as we always do, what all friends do. We listen. We laugh and cry together. (My tale isn’t that woeful, really…don’t worry…I’m just feeling yucky and a little bit low.)

I had spent this morning sorting through and deleting old e-mails to make space on my computer, something I should do daily so it doesn’t get so clogged with unnecessary messages, or irrelevant to the moment messages, you know, stuff that I don’t need any more. (Hmm, sounds like a contemplative practice) But it’s like having piles and piles of old letters, tucked in between the spam and school newsletters and invitations to things I never went to (or wanted to go to) and on and on. But the old letters…messages from friends to me and from me to friends with their thoughtful responses. My life, the lives of my children, my husband and my friends were all in there from the past two years, I couldn’t delete these messages. Reading through our stories put me into a heart space that feels heavy. A heavy heart for all that we have endured; deaths, marriages ending, children being critically ill, (heart expanding) reading about weddings, births, job changes, (big sigh) for job losses, workshops I led that were successful (hurray), workshops I was too sick to lead and others I could not attend (heaviness). Stories. Stories like the yarn and ribbons I spoke about in my last post. These emails, these very personal accounts of what it means to be human; lives being turned upside down, inside out and all of us coming through it simultaneously broken and whole.

So Terri asked me my plans for the rest of the day. And I’m feeling kind of crummy, nauseous, dizzy and a little out of body today. I'm worrying (a little bit) about an MRI scheduled for tomorrow evening...probably nothing of note to be seen, but the doctor was concerned about the virus I had a few weeks ago and how my energy has dropped so much recently, causing me to have more difficulty speaking and walking at times. So, what will I do for the rest of the day? Do? “I’ll crochet”, I say. I have that sari yarn. (Did I mention the banana fiber yarn too?) And so she said, “Loop together some thoughts”. So I’m looping, and looping and gathering memories, courage, love. I am thinking of people I know right this minute who are critically ill or in mourning and sending out prayers for them to be healed in whatever mysterious form healing takes place…body, mind, heart, soul or any aspect of their beingness with each wrapping of yarn around my crochet hook. I am filled with a sense of loss and suffering today. It’s so gray outside. I feel it inside myself too. The fresh snow that fell yesterday afternoon is starting to melt despite the lack of visible sunshine. And so it goes, our lives melting, merging one story into another. Not all sad, not all the time…plenty of funny, joyful stories in the enormous body of emails I read, I feel and remember. Yes there is plenty of goodness…but today I am allowing myself to experience the heaviness, the weight of the pain, my own and that of others. And I think it is healthy sometimes, to take it in, to release it as prayers for healing…transforming the hurt into a stitch, a breath an acknowledgement of the way our lives loop together to form a breathing cloth of unity. (maybe a little like tonglen?) I’m making a scarf, a story scarf infused with compassion. So all the prayers and memories will wrap around me when I’m done like a soft, gentle hug from all the people I love whose stories have become a part of mine.

I don’t think I will have another chance to post in the next few days but I wanted to mention that on Saturday it will be exactly two years since I started this blog. Here's a link to my very first post. Interestingly, I just re-read it a moment ago and it is about the blessings of community...widespread community. Terri, my chevruta in Wisconsin that I just hung up the phone with is one of the far away friends I am referring to in the entry. Now I have found so many more friends through blogging from even farther flung places around the world. Amazing. Truly amazing, that hugs can reach people around the globe in the form of words, music, videos and images on the internet.

{Hugs} to all of you!

PS I just found this link when I stopped by Christine's blog which directed me to Megan's blog ...it is all about compassion...and will totally make you weep and think and hug the girls in your life tighter.

Embrace Your Inner Girl...a TED talk by Eve Ensler

24 comments:

  1. Happy Blogoversary on Saturday! You get to make a wish and blow out the candles on your cyber cake!

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  2. Sorry to hear you are so low on energy. I hugely admire crochet. A beautiful creation you have there. I hope the making of it brought you peace?

    You take care of yourself sweet lady. Sending hugs and healing thoughts xJ

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  3. Thanks Jasmine, and yes, crocheting is very centering for me. It definitely helps.

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  4. Hey Laura,
    I hope your MRI turns out to be okay. I understand how you feel this time of year. Maybe it is the grey skies that makes us feel this way.... I don't know. I like that you are making a story scarf.... that is very cool.

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  5. A beautifully rendered post, the sadness and joy interwoven with honesty. Blessings to you as you undergo your MRI.
    Judy

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  6. Laura,
    Yes, best wishes on the MRI. Let's all pray.

    The idea of your scarf is amazing. Enfolding yourself with colorful love and heart stories. I can see it now.

    And BTW, I tried to access the live link that leads to your first blog post and I couldn't get it to work???

    Much love to you today!

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  7. i read your post and as i completed it i felt a huge sigh escape from my entire body... a huge sigh sending to you comfort, relief in whatever form you need most right now... i so relate to so much here... feeling so heavy these days myself too... and yet, somehow, we share the heaviness with one another... and in the sharing it becomes lighter...

    sending you a gentle comforting hug and my heart strings to add to your story scarf...

    xo

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  8. Laura, do you know that an Aussie slang for telling a story is to "spin a yarn"?

    Exactly what you've been doing with your textile yarn. Telling a story. And what a colourful one it is. Threaded through with so much compassion and prayer.

    May your story scarf offer a soft sanctuary as you head in for the MRI.

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  9. Hello Laura.....its lovely to meet you. I really like the idea of crocheting a story scarf with sari silk fibres; all those memories wrapped around you.
    Your blog is very special.
    Warm wishes
    Linda :-)

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  10. i'll be thinking about you. and that all goes well!

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  11. Another beautifully contemplative post from you. I agree with you on the feeling of pain. Sometimes we need to feel it and embrace it, deal with it, instead of pushing it away, letting it consume us from within.
    I hope your appointment goes well.
    And congratulations on the coming two years anniversary.:)
    xo
    Zuzana

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  12. Manon,
    Well I didn't wake up to sunny skies outside this morning, but as I opened my email and found all of these comments my inner sun has started to shine!

    Thanks Judy...I hope you are feeling well today and finding plenty of joy.

    Oops, thanks Jan, just fixed it! I have some more ideas about how to be a bit more literal in including these stories....

    Ahh Joanne...thanks for breathing with me:) that always helps.

    Hi Linda,
    Thanks so much for stopping by, I'll be back to check out your blog again soon.

    Thanks Shadow, I'm so happy that you are back online...your last poem was truly inspired.

    Hi Zuzana,
    Yes embracing it all, is a powerful path to healing.

    Thank you everyone for your well wishes. I'm hoping they will actually see even less lesions this time and that the latest back slide is all due to a simple annoying virus:)

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  13. beautiful work... rest up and feel better! hugs to you! cat

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  14. i love the idea of looping together some thoughts...now if only i could crochet. :-) i hope you'll be feeling better soon!

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  15. There are so many threads in this post that I want to respond to, but since it is late in the evening for me, I want to make sure I thank you for posting that TED talk by Eve Ensler. It really spoke to me and is helping pull together the yarn of my own life, helping to loop things together in my life. Weaving, knitting, looping my life, ah, what a wonderful gift you have given to me today. Peace, Nicki

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  16. hello laura, thank you for your comment on my blog about our beloved renee.

    i see you are an honest and spiritual person and i appreciate your sharing and insights here. i hope your mri turns out okay.

    we are all praying for renee. the most important thing right now is that she be able to rest without discomfort.

    love
    kj

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  17. Creating a "breathing cloth of unity" - wow - what an amazing image Laura, now if only I knew how to crochet! And congrats on your two year blogoversary. :)

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  18. Thanks Cat, resting is what I seem to do best..so I'm all over it!

    Jolochka I'm sure you could crochet simple stuff (that's what I do) its as easy as sharing a story, maybe easier.

    Nicki you are so welcome, that was one powerful video...opened up some old wounds for me too...but now I'm standing in a place of more solid ground so it's ok to work through the old thoughts and feelings.

    KJ,
    Yes a body can only heal with proper rest and pain that is well managed. And so that is my prayer for Renee, as well as ease in her heart, feeling the love that surrounds her and flows through her.

    Hi Rochelle, thanks... for the congrats and for bringing that phrase to my attention...you know how you write something and don't recognize the power of your own words until someone repeats them back to you? This is one of those instances. I guess that is one of the things I love about SoulCollage...a witness/scribe repeats our words so we can really hear our own soul speaking. Crocheting is so simple...you can totally learn!

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  19. I am so glad I found you...your words and thoughts will help me everyday as I am finding my way..Newbie to the blogging world...I shall visit often..Cynthia

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  20. Hi Cynthia,
    Welcome I'm so glad you stopped by, I look forward to reading your blog.

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  21. Laura,

    Thanks SO much for the link.

    Can I just tell you, I LOVE this post, this idea. A story scarf created with thoughts and prayer... imagine what a powerful healer it will be when it is done!

    It makes me think of the Bible story (forgive me if this doesn't reflect your path...) that says that Paul would receive requests, and he would bless (pray over?) handkerchiefs or pieces of fabric (or whatever) and send them out and the people who received them were healed and received miracles.

    That's what your beautiful story scarf makes me think of...

    Yours,
    Megan

    p.s. if you don't mind and have the time, could you swing by this link and fill out my survey? I can really use the input!

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  22. Hi, ur blog is really nice, while reading I truly like it. I just wanna suggest that u should go for blog advertising & marketing there is a website which is offering very unique features at affordable prices there are expert advertising team who will promote ur blog & affiliate ads through all over the networks which will definitely boost ur traffic & readers. Finally I have bookmarked ur blog & also shared this blog to my friends.. i think my friend might too like it hope u have a wonderful day & !!happy blogging!!.

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  23. Laura, this is a lovely post; the story scarf, the looping yarn, the looping thoughts- a meditative practice if ever there was one. My thoughts are with you (and my thoughts are usually pretty loopy, anyway!).
    Love and hugs,
    Sharmon

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