Almostnotyet

"Almostnotyet" is the heart-tug I'm feeling as Gordon pushes me along the road in my "chariot". A resistance of green, red, gold, still green, mottled leaves sighing "almostnotyet".

Late summer goldenrod, singing to the light, tips just barely beginning to brown.

Branches arch above, rustling their radiant leaves, while purple blossoms below seem to plead; "alomostnotyet".
Autumn's leaves inspire so much joy...but all too soon the leaves will "take leave", surrendering to fate, wind, rain... Still, today we witness a glorious canopy fluttering in the afternoon breeze...oh, "almostnotyet" revealing empty spaces when trees like dark bones will stand sentry against winter's biting, cold sky. How easily the mind sweeps away the present moment rolling like my wheelchair downhill if I forget to put on the brakes, forget that "almostnotyet" is not a word, but a heart-tug for a reality that right now, does not exist.

There is only this breath. Only this leaf, scarlet tipped, veined and curling, resting in this moment on the pavement here beside my tires and toes...I tell myself.

And if with my next exhalation I can sweep away my fears about the "almostnotyet's" of MS changing my body too....if just for this one release of breath I can relax into the present moment, I believe it will be an entry into my own sukkah, I can fulfill the mitzvah of sitting in a fragile house (my own body here in my wheelchair) and feel the blessing of z'man simchateinu, the season of our joy.

Then again, I can inhale and allow this sacred moment to enter me.

Baruch Ata Ad-noi El-heinu Melech HaOlam Asher Kidishanu B'Mitzvosav V'Tzivanu Leishev baSukkah." Blessed are you Hashem our G-d, King of the Worlds, who has sanctified us with Your commandments and commanded us to sit in a Sukkah.

visit my friends at Hey Harriet for more shadow shots!