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Monday, October 18, 2010
bright and blue and everything in between
from my archive
of all things, of ALL things! I cannot find the battery charger for my camera!!!! And the light outside is amazing this morning...AMAZING!!!! I feel so frustrated. It's my fault. I had it last. I moved it...put it down somewhere (safe, ha, ha) and now, well...I can't find it!!!!
when things like this happen (which is more and more often) I wonder...is it just because I'm of a certain age? (45) or is it because MS is sucking away my short-term memory. Maybe both. Probably both. Can't it just be a normal thing...do YOU guys put stuff down and forget where you left it?
The good news of course, is that without my camera I can just sit quietly and take in the light, the colors of the world beyond my windows....I can simply be with it...as is...no view finder...nothing to do, just be, see, enjoy, breathe and feel gratitude for this simplicity.
still, it is annoying!!!! I love my cheap little camera and how great I feel when I find a perfect (at least to my heart/eye/mind/soul) shot! Wow, is it an addiction? Am I addicted to my love of photography???? Are some addictions good? Like a desire to see and share what you see with others? Maybe not an addiction. Maybe it's just LOVE. I LOVE to see the world through my blessed artist eyes...I LOVE that even though I don't have an expensive camera I can still manage to take some gorgeous photos...because I'm gifted at seeing...because the WORLD is so DAMNED beautiful...but today, today I feel bright and happy because it is so gorgeous outside...I feel that joy deep in my bones, my essence, my soul...and I feel blue for the loss of this silly charger.
And you know, I've looked, the kids have looked, Gord has looked....it must be hiding in plain sight...wow I am going on and on...so now I'll finish my sandwich and breathe. and get ready to go to pt for the day.
and my knight in shining arms of love said he would go out and get me a new charger later today....KNIGHT? He's a PRINCE!
I am grateful for the blue sky above, the sun filtering through the leaves and boughs and laying patches of light upon the ground in patterns that just light ME up! I am grateful for a sandwich with soy turkey and organic 9 grain bread and mayo and a tomato from the garden Rosie planted with her grandfather. I am grateful to the sweet woman who will be driving me to PT today. I am grateful that Jimmy will be there when I arrive to help strengthen my body so I can learn to walk better again. I am grateful for my dog Ellie, patiently waiting for me to share my sandwich. I am grateful for the chickadees who just descended like fallen leaves outside my window...and the tiny chipmunk fooling around out there too. For the blue jay who keeps diving in and out of my line of vision. For the breeze blowing the trees and the grass that is just a bit too long in the backyard, which I LOVE because it is catching the light perfectly. I am grateful for my PRINCE and the new charger he will bring home later tonight.
I am grateful to all of you who are indulging me in my rambling rants and thoughts.
I am grateful.
I feel chesed (kindness)
I feel rachamim (compassion)
I feel simcha (joy)
I feel shalom (peace)
I feel shalem (whole)
and still a little bummed about my camera...I'm just saying.
I truly believe it's healthy to hold it all...the ease and the frustration.