OH they were AMAZING as always...my friend Olga is the director and lead vocalist and when that woman sings YOU FEEL GOD's Presence in the room. So I was in heaven rolling in close with my chair to take photos and singing along. And then the Klezmerim....and Gord was on fire...EVERYONE was, they sounded so totally stoked and present and full of simcha...pure joy! And seeing and being with so many dear friends and feeling part of such a loving community...not just my shul community but the full interfaith community that was there. Again, it is so hard to explain how full my heart feels right now.
But my body. Oy. I walked with the walls for support from the car through the house to the staircase. I stopped and rested for a few breaths. I crawled with all my strength up the steps, Gord behind me to keep me safe...Ellie passing me by and loving that Mom was on all fours like a dog, her tail wagging with bliss, and me...the tears started to roll. By the time we got to the top of the steps I slid on my butt to a safe place away from the stairs where Gord could lift me. Then he gently guided me to bed. And by then I was sobbing. From exhaustion. From knowing that hundreds of people saw me up on the bima in a wheelchair, my wheelchair singing with God flowing through me. The irony of the song choice that I was leading: Marching in the light of God...second verse We are moving in the power of God...third verse...We are living in the love of God...that verse worked for me....it all just hit me. I mean how much more SPOT light can you get than singing words like that from your wheelchair...I am disabled. It has only been a year of trying to integrate this into my life, and it is still a painful struggle.