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Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I was blessed today to sit in spiritual companionship (long distance over the phone) with one of my anam cara friends, Jan Lundy. It was my turn to receive Spiritual Direction, through the Buddha Chick course I am taking. Gentle, yet powerful wisdom was revealed, through Jan's generous presence, through my own lived experience, and through the Sacred voice that arose from within my own heart. The lovely surprise that caused us both to inhale suddenly and deeply was that as I went inside and listened for guidance from Source this is what I "heard"....Trust....trust the path you are on. Trust ME, trust yourself. trUSt.
Do you see it??? Right there in the center...US. US is in the middle of trUSt. We both had a sense that US was referring to the Holy Blessed ONE, Me, perhaps celestial beings, certainly my community of friends at home, my family living, my family members who have passed on, my online community of friends, all the animal beings who seem to keep showing up in my life (not just our dog and two kitties)...but foxes who have visited us this summer, owls who have woken us (me and Gord) in the night on three different occasions of late, the beavers last weekend.... Trust US. trUSt.
I do feel surrounded by love all the time. This is true. Later today when I had PT, it was so difficult that I cried, because taking small steps up and down on a half sized step between the parallel bars, grasping on with my hands with Jimmy, my physical therapist holding me up from the back with a belt for extra safety, making sure I didn't fall, was unbelievably difficult to do. Five in a row and I had to rest. Simply bringing my right foot up to meet the left on the tiny step was too much for my poor weak left leg to manage. We tried again. Even after I cried and cursed. And and asked him through tears, "Why does this have to be so fucking hard??" Then I apologized for my language as I stood there holding the bars with both hands, not even able to wipe away my own tears for fear of falling. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated...but still, still I felt surrounded by love...and I trUSted the love around me.
On Saturday, along the road...the same one where I photographed the falling down fences...as I shuffled across the road and made my way gingerly back to the car I looked down at my feet. There, cast away, or perhaps left as a sign just for my eyes was a gray, stone heart.
I left it behind for someone else to discover, but took a photo to remember.
Even when I am feeling like a small gray stone, mysteriously tossed on the side of life's road, unable to move on my own volition...I am never alone....my heart is always cradled by soft sandy earth and angels in human, animal and celestial forms. The Divine Presence is always available for me to sense if I stop, breathe, listen, wait, trust. It is hard, this life. It is joyful, it is painful. It is the one I have been blessed to live.
I am grateful. I am tired.
Gordon had to carry me up our stairs piggy-back because my legs were just not going to do it for me after PT today. And so, he carried me while I simultaneously formed a cradle with my body around his back. My sweet, strong husband. My best friend. An earth angel easy to locate in the center of trUSt.
Truly. I am a blessed woman.
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