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Monday, March 28, 2011
The wind blows the last memories of winter from the air, still a biting cold 23 F as March nears her end, perhaps so we do not forget the rare beauty of frosted windows and icicles. Bare-branch shadows dance on the brown muddy earth; the few remaining patches of snow in the yard melt and evaporate into a clear blue sky. All is quiet inside the house as I listen to the swell of gusts outside that rise and just as suddenly fall silent again.
I sat up and turned to view this through my window. I lay back down to watch the blur of swaying trees and sky reflected across my computer screen superimposed upon these words that have become textural elements of the whole.
I feel a deep silence within myself, it too rises and falls like the wind, like my breath, like an ocean of melancholy that sucks me down into my own depths then lifts me up in unexpected moments of grace, returning contentment and joyful swaths of light across the surface of calmer water… metaphorically… and on my breakfast plate in reality. This blend of shadow and light, emotions vying for attention fascinates me, exhausts me, and continues to hold me captive.
I have not been visiting others blogs much of late, I have not spent a whole lot of time on the phone. I've not been very good about responding to emails either. And while I do have visitors occasionally, I struggle with those connections too. I seem to need to stay right where I am, investigating my heart and mind alone. Perhaps this is selfish, everyone is so kind stopping by to say hello to me, and while I miss visiting my blogging friends on the one hand, I also need to just be present to my own "stuff" right now. Please forgive my less than friendly behavior. Please try to understand that it really is not YOU, its ME. I'm not breaking up with you, lol, just taking a break from visiting. I may or may not write here on my blog, or stop by and say hello, I'll have to see how inspired I am to express myself, to connect. I guess it is time for a little inner spring cleaning...and who knows, maybe I'll actually do some organizing of our house along with my thoughts. Healing takes many forms.