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Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Tight in a Bud




There are days, weeks, months, seasons in my life during which I find myself tucked inside my own bud. Ice encases me, preserves me until I am ready to emerge anew. I am dwelling in this inner space still, in the stillness of dwelling. Hineni, here I am. (The Hineni link takes you back to just about this time last year, it is fascinating for me to review my inner cycles and how similar they are year to year...truly in sync with nature. Have you noticed this to be true in your life as well?)


And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

Nearly twelve years ago, when I first saw this quote from Anais Nin on an inspirational poster at a yoga center, I found her words to be profound and filled with hope, thinking “Wow I don’t have to stay here in this painful place, I can choose to push through the hard outer shell of my world at any time. I don’t have to stay frozen inside when I am frightened, I can push forward, outward, open up and blossom and leave the tightness I feel behind.”

And I would do that. I would push myself because staying was so painful. In return I would deny myself the fullness of what I was feeling. Ultimately this would send me right back into my bud for longer and longer periods. Being in the bud was not the cause of my suffering, feeling like a complete failure because I misunderstood what needed to happen inside the bud, that I needed to be in the bud, was.

It took many years of this particular behavior (even prior to reading the quote on the poster) before I finally began to understand the blessing of the bud. What I finally discovered at least for myself, is that the time spent inside the bud is not simply about hiding, separating myself from others, or even fear, (although these are elements of the experience), it is also time well spent, an opportunity for growth and healing. There is a great deal of soulful maturation taking place swaddled inside the soft petaled walls of the closed bud. It is a necessary part of life, this turning inward, and I am grateful for the wisdom of nature that teaches me to stay right where I am for as long as I need to be here, safe and healing in my own way, even though there is pain involved.  I am speaking of all aspects of healing, body/mind/heart/soul as a fully integrated embodied being. I trust that the ice will melt away and I will blossom again when my inner seasonal clock tells me it is time, but I do not need to rush it, or force an escape. I do not need to be frightened of being frightened, nor do I need to capitulate to a fear of pain by forcing something I’m not ready for simply to prove that my will is stronger than the pain. All I need to do is rest right where I am and have faith that when I’m ready I will indeed open up into a flower that will be different, perhaps wiser and more beautiful than the one that died away so that this new bud could form, incubate and birth another blossom of me into the light. When I look back at my life with wisdom I can see that this has always been so, and there is no reason to believe that this season will be any different.  So here I will remain, sheltered by the soft petaled walls of my inner sanctuary, my bud, experiencing each breath out and in, comforted by my own slow, gentle healing process.

While I still find Anais Nin's quote to be beautiful, and it may in fact ring true for you in your life at this time, I see things differently now. For me, the risk has less to do with blossoming and more to do with a different kind of courage, the courage to attend to all of my emotions and sensations as they arise, the courage to have faith in petals that will unfold on their own if I remain present to what I am experiencing with wholehearted vulnerability.

As I do not wish to be disrespectful to a truly wise writer who gifted the world with her words as a legacy, I offer you another quote that I found on the link above that resonates in my heart, in my life now:


The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.~Anais Nin




linking to:

46 comments:

  1. Thank you...
    Our journey is different but similar :)

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  2. I love this post! How wonderfully true. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us..
    Jacqui

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  3. This beautiful post comes to me at just the right time. I, too, feel tight in a bud as you so beautifully express it. The tendency is to rush our emergence but I love how you challenge us to have the courage to stay in that place and just allow the emotions and sensations to "unfold on their own."

    Thank you so much for this post, dear Laura.

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  4. I have found, even without keeping track, that I am at the same place physically/emotionally/spiritually at the same time almost every year. I seem to function by the earth cycle....bloom and blaze, wane and fade....rest in quiet, and then the itch to start over.
    For every person the time varies in each part of the journey, but of late, I tend to isolate myself more and listen to my needs and accept them.
    What I also noticed is that doesn't always make everyone else I come into contact with happy; but it is what I need.
    I accept I have chronic pain.
    I accept that I am no longer Wonder Woman, but I did hang onto the Golden Lasso...just in case! ;-)
    I accept that for every hard day there will be some sort of reward for making it through with a modicum of grace....
    I accept *me*, but I still want more from *me*~~it just may happen in a different manner than it used to.

    XXOO~~♥
    Anne

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  5. I'm dying with every sentence! This post speaks to me.

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  6. thank you for leading us onward to ourselves!



    Aloha from Honolulu


    Comfort Spiral

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    ><}}(°>

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  7. Just lovely . . . "There is a great deal of soulful maturation taking place swaddled inside the soft petaled walls of the closed bud."

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  8. For every thing there is a season, buds included.

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  9. to be at rest with what is. to dwell in grace. i've been thinking about this, too, today...

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  10. Such words of wisdom Laura...thank you.

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  11. Your wisdom is a blessing to all of us. Thank you Laura

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  12. lovely photo...


    mine is here http://www.gagierscapture.info/2011/03/macro-monday-tulips.html

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  13. Great thoughts to go with a nice image. It was a pleasure to discover your blog.... very insightful and enlightening!

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  14. I love how well your picture matches the first quote. The second quote speaks to me even more, thank you for sharing both of them!

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  15. Isn't it wonderful how someone's words can make you stop and think and feel and then realize our journeys from bud to blossom are as individual as the blooms themselves? And all are beautiful and all a celebration of life...

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  16. Hi Laura, you are always warmly hug and thought all the time. Thanks for the visit appreciate it very much!!

    Hugs
    Kim

    Macro Monday

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  17. wishing you courage and strength to be with your unfolding petals... and may this bud bloom some day.

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  18. So beautiful - and thought provoking. Sometimes it takes more courage to remain in the bud than to blossom...

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  19. Once again such an inspirational post--we could all learn so much from reading and following your thoughts and actions. Thanks you. Take care. Mickie

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  20. This is so true for me, yet so hard...the pain is often unbearable. Like Anne said, I accept that I am not Wonder Woman...but sometimes it would be nice to just be something other than what I am...

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  21. I often feel that life consist of different stages. At times we feel reflective, we need solitude and to withdraw from the world to contemplate. At other times, just like a flower, we need to bloom and to be seen.
    I too find great significance in the last quote.;)
    Beautiful post dear Laura,
    xoxo

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  22. expanding into truth
    yes....

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  23. I think ice storms are more cold than snow and freezing temps. It must be the humidity.

    Great photo.

    My Monday feature is: COLORFUL fungus

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  24. Thank you for adding a new level of understanding to that quote, which definitely resonates with me.xo

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  25. Hello, my dear and wise friend. I understand these feeling so very well myself. I especially love the final Anais Nin quote ~ a perfect way to look at life when one has lived a bit of it already, and has a substantial bit of it left ahead to look forward to.
    Love and hugs,
    xoxoxo
    Angela

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  26. What a beautiful post Laura. I can relate to the need for staying in the bud. Too often I've resisted. Lately though, I'm more comfortable with being still, within, reclusive in order to observe and be with myself. I know healing goes on then.

    Thank you so much Laura for the beautiful way you express your wisdom.

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  27. This line went right to my core: "nor do I need to capitulate to a fear of pain by forcing something I’m not ready for simply to prove that my will is stronger than the pain."

    I really appreciate your view of the original quote, as well as your recognition that we tend to follow our own pattern of seasons. February has always been a hard month for me, but as such a month where I'm more willing than ever to seek deeper truths.

    I love the second quote - will add it to my collection of inspirations.

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  28. each stage so important in its own right ...

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  29. nice bit of wisdom in your words...we all need time in the bud to replenish so that we can bloom in others...

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  30. Yes turning towards the experience of being in the bud. Not trying to escape it.

    Thank you for the gift of your journey, as always!

    With metta,

    marguerite

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  31. i must say, laura, so many blogger/artists i am reading are in a similar place--including me. i blogged about budding today, too. i adore the connection you and i have~ our process, though different in some ways, so very much the same internally.

    beautiful post!
    thewanderer

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  32. "...and to everything there is a season."

    We are measured and praised for blooming...So in a rush to be "bloomed" we diminish or ignore the pain. But with "gentle steps" the bud intends toward blooming-we remember to breathe and let the unseen interior blooming prepare us to become. Once again you give permission to be- and not do. We are all around you. You are safe. Blessings-

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  33. Beautiful post Laura. Our journeys are ever changing and tranformative at every beautiful interval..shine with whichever sacred- petal you are creating with at the time..thats it..and simply shine on...bloom again and again and again..
    Victoria~

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  34. i've always felt this sense of the bud, that it is vital. that our culture won't honor it, though esp college students sometimes are torn between the two aspects of introvert and extrovert.

    Some call it "brooding" as when a hen sits on an egg, to incubate; imagine reading self help books to a child in the womb, saying all sorts of things like "you should be out running and playing, etc" ...

    looking outside ourselves, or even trying to assume what a writer meant when she pens a line, that particular emotional station fixed in time when one uses an image--it may be so different than what the readers see later, or even the writer, in a different time or space.

    I hope you are not in pain, and feel some bliss touching your True.

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  35. I think we all feel that way from time to time. Lovely bud!

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  36. wisdom, beauty and truth in your words, as always.

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  37. Ice can be a gift, a kind of permission to stay inside and to rest.

    I think it is to good to be among folks who respect this. I have known folks who presume the right to tell others it's time to come out, to stop hiding. I don't know why it is some people equate resting--those necessary fallow times--with something dishonorable.

    Your post is beautiful.

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  38. Beautiful post and important perspective on healing. I would like to thank you for your inspiring words by passing on One Lovely Blog Award to you. Please visit this link at my blog to pick it up! http://thespiritthatmovesme.blogspot.com/p/news.html

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  39. Fascinating take on the bud.

    Love a lot of what I am learning of Buddhism, also.

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  40. Beautiful post .... your view encourages me.

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  41. I breathed this all in. Truly beautiful and wise and thank you for sharing it with us.

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  42. Ahhhh, again your insight touches a chord within me. I couldn't have put it in words, but going inward has taken so much more faith than being out in the world ever did.

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