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Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A River of Stones: July 13


Small Stone:
Some mornings it seems the tub is filled with an equal measure of clear water and tears. They trickle down my cheeks becoming one with the bath as I imagine a former joy that is now impossible. I see myself stepping out, drying off, dressing (that I can currently do) and taking a walk through the quiet neighborhood before anyone else is awake; wheelchair and assistance free.

More pebbles in the river of my mind:
The loss of independence seems unbearable at times. Asking my daughters to push me up and down the hills of our neighborhood in my wheelchair feels like begging. It is hot. They don’t want to get up early while it is cool. They are teenagers. My belly aches, my jaw tightens, as embarrassment seeps into the hole where pride struggles to stay planted. I weep into the water, knowing that I must ask for help to go outside in the oppressive summer heat if I want fresh air (not that it is any different in the cooler months, I still can’t manage the chair by myself on the hills).

Then I contemplate all those in the world whose suffering is far greater than mine will ever be. A flicker of shame is sparked briefly, until compassion pours into the craggy spaces tangled with conflicting thoughts and emotions, nourishing the roots of dignity grafted to pride, transforming self-pity to acceptance, opening to lovingkindness for all beings.

You think you are done grieving, until a new wave washes over you.  So it is, so it is. I meet the sadness with a gentle hug, arms wrapped around legs, hands resting on opposite shoulders, forehead on knees, grateful I can still bend into this posture of humility. This flexibility that still remains is a gift, I know. I am grateful.

Linking to Emily at:

18 comments:

  1. Sending you a big hug, dear Laura. My virtual hand gently wipes your tears away .
    Judy

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  2. When I cry, hubby says don't cry. It won't help. But it does. I don't know why, but it does.

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  3. God bless you, Laura, and your honesty.

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  4. Don't feel shame for mourning a loss. I come and read your quote nearly every day: Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy. It comforts me. I still believe we can weep for losses, it is humane.
    I ask my 19 year old to help me move furniture, and bribe him with slushies, he has many years to sleep in.

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  5. If I lived closer to you, my friend, I would love to accompany you on early morning walks. Listening to nature, and the quiet. I will have to settle for carrying your heart with me. xo

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  6. Sending you hugs and prayers of comfort.

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  7. It must be incredibly difficult for you Laura and you have such courage and determination you are an example to us all. What is most beautiful is your spirit which still sparkles and shines despite your circumstances.

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  8. Laura, this post touched me exactly where it should. You are such a marvelous writer, and please keep writing. Some days, it is our only mobility and freedom. I know it is for me...and right now it's more about mental/emotional freedom than physical. But both enchain.

    I come here and are refreshed, and I can't say that about most sites...LOL!

    You are something so special, have been given such wonderful gifts. Your impact on lives through your writings must be farflung.

    I know your refresh my soul.

    With love,

    Lady Nyo (Jane)

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  9. I feel your struggle this morning reading your thoughts.To grieve again for your losses, with honesty, gives me a fresh perspective on my own life.

    Thank you, for sharing.

    I remember you daily. Light and prayers...energy...peace, I wish them all for you.

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  10. allow yourself to feel sorrow laura, this is not what we had planned!!!

    we are swimming against the tide, but the water is freshing!!! xo

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  11. Independence is something we all seem to take for granted while we have it and don't really realize it until we don't. I'm impressed at how well you take these waves in stride. Hopefully the days get a little easier (and the weather a little cooler!)

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  12. Love you as big as the sky, Laura...

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  13. We can be grateful for what we have and still grieve for what we have lost. Every emotion is a part of life. Personally, there are some emotions I like more than others:)

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  14. I will be walking for you today... and remembering all the chains on the human heart... with but a breath Gods love takes them all away. I was up till 3 with a personal struggle... how to bring and be light when someone only wants darkness- your prayer around this would be appreciated...thank you Laura for the gift you bring.xo teri

    Blessings while at the doctor today...

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  15. What beautiful thoughts and words, Laura. You are healing others with your own courage, your own journey.

    Love and hugs to you.

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  16. "...grateful I can still bend into this posture of humility"

    Your cross is heavy and your opening up your heart and mind to us all is an amazing gift and I thank you.

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