Shine the Divine:

Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

Translate

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A River of Stones: July 19


 These stones are growing into boulders...and I have not had the energy to visit anyone as I had hoped. Thank you for the many prayers on behalf of my daughter and me. You are all incredibly kind and I am so deeply grateful.

My sweet young doctor’s eyebrows knitted together as she examined me, the buzz stopped much faster on my right foot than on my left with the tuning fork thingy neurologists love almost as much as hammers. I look like a penguin when I walk. My voice is nasal, whole syllables and consonants gone missing. She sent me off for yet another MRI today. This could be another exacerbation (which means more steroids) or it could be extreme fatigue from the Gilenya (which will clear on it’s own eventually). My symptoms are getting worse, not better.

I want to stop wanting, wanting life to be easier, clearer, safer, peaceful. I want to stop wanting things to be different than they are. I want to accept all that is right now with dignity and grace, but I am human, and to want to stop wanting won’t wash away the desire, or the sorrow or the fear. These desires are wishes, deep prayers for my family, for myself. I am submerged in them, treading sacred water, swallowing mouthfuls, and spitting back longings that are beyond words, beneath them, floating between what was, what is, what will be. 

13 comments:

  1. Prayers for you and your family ~ that you find the strength, the grace and the peace that you long for as you continue to fight the good fight. You are an ispiration to all who encounter you. Love xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wanting things to be different from what they are is a problem that I have too, but it is indeed one of the most human desires there is. When we are children, we want to adults, when we are adults we want to be children. When our hair is curly, we want it to be straight, when our significant other acts one way we wish they would act another. To combat this I try very hard to look at my life as a whole and not in parts, because when I look at the big picture of my life and then the even bigger picture of everything going on around me, I realize that the imperfections in my life are incredibly tiny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The more I want to stop wanting, the more I want. The thing that helps the most is to think of the people I love and to ask for God's grace on their behalf ~ and you are the first person that comes to mind, dear Laura.

    May the wishes travel from your lips to God's ears ~

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are in my thoughts, Laura.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You have every right to long. It's okay. And when you decide not to, that will be the perfect time.

    Judy

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Laura. It is okay to desire circumstances to change especially when we are suffering. It is part of being human. Acceptance is the most challenging part. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do so. But know that you are not alone. God is with you in this journey, watching over you, taking care of you.

    You are a beautiful, kind, and strong woman, Laura. Take care.

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  7. lovely Laura, how well you express the pain of treading water in situations we want to be out of

    may today deliver you a lifebouy, even perhaps a pool pony, to help you stay afloat

    ReplyDelete
  8. We are human, with human frailties, and we all wish for better things even when we have good health and a good life. It is a rare person indeed who can find the good within the bad despite their circumstances and that makes you a very rare person, especially when your words flow like music from your heart and soul!

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is my comment for you today my dear friend:



    “Hope” is the thing with feathers
    That perches in the soul -
    And sings the tune without the words -
    And never stops - at all -

    And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
    And sore must be the storm -
    That could abash the little Bird
    That kept so many warm -

    I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
    And on the strangest Sea -
    Yet - never - in Extremity,
    It asked a crumb - of me.


    (Emily Dickinson)

    Warm hugs, Laura

    ReplyDelete
  10. i know. i know... just rest, if you can. i know sometimes the storm of fear and longing and darkness can be so overpowering... may you experience peace in the midst of these turbulent waters. i'm still praying...

    "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sending you prayers and energy and white light. I think it's human to want, but it would be easier not to have them.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dearest Laura,

    Spent the last hour "catching up." I was particularly touched by this last post of yours and the video with Pema. It feels to me like there is an energy surrounding so many of us right now, weighing us down with a strangle hold that threatens to hold us in its grips indefinately, like a bully, somehow assuming we are powerless ... but I am slowly awakening to the reality that we are indeed NOT powerless. We are Divine beings who can summon up our Divine Energy at any given moment knowing that within that engergy -- there is truth...comfort...wisdom...freedom ...strength ...patience ...
    acceptance ...and of course love ...

    I am here and could be there within minutes ... even if it's only to sit in sacred space with you.

    Blessings of Love, Healing and More Love -- Share

    ReplyDelete
  13. Acceptance of loss is found through and to the other side of grieving. And you have so much loss to absorb right now.

    I have such admiration for your ability to express feelings we all have to one degree or another, although I truly don't know many who can do it with as much grace and beauty as you do.

    ReplyDelete

Bright Sparks: