Shine the Divine:

Creativity IS a Spiritual Practice

When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

Translate

Thursday, July 21, 2011

A River of Stones: July 21


Small Stone:
It is all too familiar. Waiting for a nurse to call from the doctor’s office, home health, the infusion pharmacy. Talking on the phone is so difficult; thinking about it makes me anxious. I look around the room at the midday summer sun, shiny green leaves gently dancing, glimmering beyond my window, beckoning me to come home. I stop this passive-activity, “waiting,” for a few conscious breaths, returning to this moment, just this one.
*****************************************************
Later this evening or tomorrow we will start five days of solumedrol, as soon as I can be scheduled. The meds are on a truck, on their way. I can't believe I'm writing anything at all. I am more tired than I've been in a very long time. There are several new lesions in my corpus callosum and cerebellum, more than last months fresh crop. I feel relieved knowing that the steroids will be flowing into my veins soon, relieved knowing that I am on a powerful medicine to slow down the progression of this disease, trusting that it will once we calm the latest inflammation. I'm floating in the space "between," nothing to do, just rest, heal. Yesterday, my longing to do was so strong, today it is gone, no more flailing, struggling against what is completely beyond my control. Tomorrow? Who knows what I will feel, be aware of, desire, miss? So I free-fall into the moment, a lazy river of “what is.”

“What isn’t” does not seem very important right now. 

Please forgive me for not visiting your blogs, I just don't have it in me to read your beautiful words and write comments these days. I miss you all so much. I appreciate more than you can know all of your prayers, well wishes and thoughtful responses to my writing. 

Things will change (they always do) and I will be back to my friendly neighborhood blogging self. Gordon has not had time to get me a new external drive and the current one is spotty at best, so no new photos, even though I've taken many through car windows lately!

gentle steps,
Laura


21 comments:

  1. good luck with the treatments. i hope they can bring some relief...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Laura, My heart is with you. I'm sending you the warmest {{soul hugs}}. k

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...as am I... we love you and continue to send as much healing, loving, comforting and strength energy we can. Just be in this moment and listen to Bruno Mars song, "The Lazy Song" you can see the video at this link:

    http://www.azsongs.com/Bruno-Mars-lyrics/The-Lazy-Song-lyrics.html

    BRUNO MARS LYRICS

    "The Lazy Song"

    Today I don't feel like doing anything
    I just wanna lay in my bed
    Don't feel like picking up my phone
    So leave a message at the tone
    'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

    I'm gonna kick my feet up
    Then stare at the fan
    Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
    Nobody's gonna tell me I can't

    I'll be lounging on the couch,
    Just chillin' in my snuggie
    Click to MTV, so they can teach me how to dougie
    'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man
    Oh, oh

    Yes I said it
    I said it
    I said it 'cause I can

    Today I don’t feel like doing anything
    I just wanna lay in my bed
    Don’t feel like picking up my phone
    So leave a message at the tone
    'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
    Nothing at all

    Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
    Meet a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
    And she's gonna scream out: 'This is Great'
    (Oh my god, this is great)
    Yeah

    I might mess around, get my college degree
    I bet my old man will be so proud of me
    But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait
    Oh, oh

    Yes I said it
    I said it
    I said it 'cause I can

    Today I don’t feel like doing anything
    I just wanna lay in my bed
    Don’t feel like picking up my phone
    So leave a message at the tone
    'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

    No, I ain't gonna comb my hair
    'Cause I ain't going anywhere
    No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh

    I'll just strut in my birthday suit
    And let everything hang loose
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-eah

    Oh
    Today I don’t feel like doing anything
    I just wanna lay in my bed
    Don’t feel like picking up my phone
    So leave a message at the tone
    'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

    Nothing at all
    Nothing at all
    Nothing at all

    I love ya, girlfriend!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. do not ever
    worry
    just rest
    just heal
    we remember
    we love
    we send
    healing light
    energy
    through prayer
    through the cosmos
    to you, beloved friend

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love you Laura!
    Your old friend,
    Melite

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for taking the time to update us, dear Laura. Thinking of you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Don't worry about us Laura, we know that you are thinking about us even if you cannot visit. I am sending you a great big hug and prayers for healing :o)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Holding you in my heart - praying for peace - hoping for measures of healing mercies.
    Rest, rest, rest, dear one.....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Rest and feel better soon with the new meds!

    ReplyDelete
  10. So glad to hear medicine is on the way. Consider that it's really okay for you to just receive the love and prayers and attention of your friends right now. Trust that you can be still and be enough.

    ReplyDelete
  11. no need to forgive, just be gentle with yourself and rest.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Laura,
    My hand reaches out toward you to send healing. My heart reaches to send love.
    Katelen

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dearest Laura,

    Mi sheberakh avoteinu mekor habrakha l’imoteinu
    May the Source of strength
    Who blessed the ones before us
    Help us find the courage
    To make our lives a blessing,
    And let us say: Amen.
    Mi sheberakh imoteinu mekor habrakha l’avoteinu
    Bless those in need of healing With refuah shleima:
    The renewal of body,
    The renewal of spirit,
    And let us say: Amen

    You are in my deepest thoughts and prayers. My soul is reaching out to yours as you embark on this journey of healing. Please know that I am here, waiting for your return and praying, always praying...

    With so much love, dear heart,
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  14. Laura, Yes, there are many thoughts and prayers with you. Hope you are feeling better soon and regain some of your energy. I know that there is a great deal of joy in just spending time with your family. Do take care and know you are in the hearts of your blogger friends. Hugs, Mickie :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes, gentle steps dear Laura. Sending much love and a zillion hugs. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  16. You have my admiration for your incredible strength, whether you visit my blog or not...
    Best to you...
    J

    ReplyDelete
  17. Aw Laura, you touch my heart. I send you love and positive energy. May those meds be filled with miracles.

    ReplyDelete
  18. sending you healing, Sis




    Aloha from Waikiki;


    Comfort Spiral

    ><}}(°>


    > < } } ( ° >

    < ° ) } } > <

    ReplyDelete
  19. barbara BernsteinJuly 22, 2011 at 1:40 AM

    Refuah Shlaymah
    Barb

    ReplyDelete
  20. After having read your post I scrolled down through the comments you received. Wow, you have such loving friends who feel the same in you. A blessing indeeed.

    Wishing you good health.

    ReplyDelete

Bright Sparks: