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When we see through our hearts, we recognize that every single one of us is infused with creativity. Divine Sparks are embedded in everyone and everything. It's up to us to be courageous, to look and listen deeply, to find the sparks, gather and release them back into the universe, transformed into something new. Join me as we wake up to the sacred-ordinary blessings waiting to greet us each and every day.

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Saturday, December 3, 2011

Clinging




Even life forms we consider to be simple are uniquely rich in their complexity. They cannot survive alone, but must cling to something else for nurturance. Solitude is precious, so too is connection. Finding a balance between the reality of inter-being and our cyclic desire for separation is a dance we are ever engaged in.

I am watching this in the relationships between my two teenage daughters and me, their mother as they become increasingly more independent —- “Mom, are you kidding? (exasperation) Leave me alone!” —- “Mom (in tears) what should I do?” -- a back and forth, not so gentle tug on my heart.

I see this in my own need for assistance from others due to the physical challenges resulting from Multiple Sclerosis and my longing (like my children) to do things on my own, to be by myself, and to figure things out in my own way in order to continue my human development.

There is a healthy clinging, we must acknowledge, in the midst of blossoming into who we are becoming; sometimes it is subtle, other times gripping, still despite yearning to detach, differentiate, be “ourselves,” we inter-are, and that is the way it is.

http://mapleview.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/weekend-logo.jpg

It is official. I am no longer a "cool" mom. Not even to Rosie:-( --almost 15 and for Belin being almost 18, this is not news. Somehow it is harder with the youngest, more surprising, though you'd think it would be the other way around.  I am in the thick of it now! I'm not sure exactly when the turning point happened, when I became more exasperating, annoying, irritating, tear-provoking instead of the fun, funky artist mom to be proud of, the go-to hugger and comforter with absorbent shoulders for tender tears (ok that still happens, occasionally). I suppose it has been gradual, and is of course developmentally appropriate. That doesn't make the poison dart comments, eye rolling or extreme sensitivity and misunderstandings of pretty much anything I say any easier to sit with, but having been a teenager a long time ago with the same feelings about my parents back then (we are very close now!) and having taught teens for years, listening to them complain to me (I was still "cool" then, I wasn't their Mom) about their perfectly loving and admirable parents (my peers)...I get it. When I think of all that I know about child development as an educator and my own experience, it IS a relief to recognize that none of this has anything to do with Multiple Sclerosis. While it certainly has an impact on our family life, these are all par for the course growing pains that every family must endure. The really good news, and there is some, is that like all things in life, everything changes...and gauging from my relationship with my own parents, in 10 or 20 years, give or take, this too shall pass:-)

30 comments:

  1. It's something I struggle with constantly too.

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  2. beautiful macro shot Laura
    to match your beautiful observations of life

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  3. Love that fungus!

    Being a mother to teens is hard. I remember being brokenhearted when my daughter started to shun me, and thought everything I did or said was wrong. As an educator, I too understood it, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with.

    My daughter(30)and I are very close now, due in part to the fact that she now has a child of her own.

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  4. 18 and almost 15 wow, one grown, one close to.

    I can 3rd on sharing in the struggle.

    God love you SO MUCH. And so do I.

    xoxo

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  5. Oh it shall indeed pass. The eye-rolling... I can remember doing it. I can certainly recall getting it. Parenting teens is hard.. and immature twenty-something year-olds. But it does get better. Hang in there.. you'll become cool again. ;)

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  6. i think you're way cool! And more. :)

    growing pains over here, too. Earlier I felt so "little" next to some trees and the water I walked near. after reading this I feel all is as it should be again. thanks.

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  7. Beautiful post. I feel your pain...literally about the teen-age experience. 17, 16 and a soon to be 13 year old who at one moment is yelling and the next crying. It is heart breaking all around

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  8. As I age, finding balance has shifted from being so serious, learning to grab an inner tube, and float on off down the river. Balance will occur somewhere down the river, if not, se la vie.

    Bibbity Bobbity Boo...

    Raising teenagers I could have used my 65 year old se la vie.

    Tremendously needful post.

    Wishing you a blessed weekend.

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  9. Yes, this, too, will pass...I've been there where you are now and it's all turned around again :)

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  10. Beautiful photography that fits nicely in black and white.

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  11. Beautiful photography that fits nicely in black and white.

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  12. stunning photography on this one. and a good lesson also. I struggle because at age 67 I prefer to be home alone, with my hubby and myself. you are right, my solitude is so precious to me, I find it hard to connect any longer.

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  13. A beautiful B&W photo with perfect focus and contrasts.

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  14. Great shot...;D It is not eays to be a mom...;D

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  15. Preciosas foto, B&W con excepcional luz y calidad de tonos, me encantan, realmente exquisitas.

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  16. Gorgeous image! About teens ... it will pass. My son (23) moved out this summer and a lot of things has changed. We are a lot happier together now!

    Wish you a great week ... love Irene

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  17. Beautiful macro. I like that you can see the details of the spores. Really lovely shot!

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  18. Fear not, coolness will return and it won't take 10 years. From my experience, it begins to return a few weeks into their Freshman year of college.

    I like the title, it very fitting for your excellent photo.

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  19. I can certainly relate! I have a 21 year old son and 19 year old daughter. And I can remember my teen years well! Hoping the transition gets smoother for you and your children.

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  20. Great shots of the fungi and I always like reading your thoughtful posts. Relationships with children are ever changing even when they're adults like mine is.

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  21. Beautifully written Laura and oh so true!

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  22. Laura, I can identify with every word you wrote, as can most Mothers. It is all a part of growing up and the changes that take place-not of anthing that we did or didn't do. As you said, "this too shall pass"--your girls just have to express their independence and become their own person at this stage in their lives. My thoughts are with you-you will survive!!!!

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  23. Beautiful capture of the fungus, Laura!
    Wait for the better years to come when they're between 25-30! Hang in there - they'll rediscover that you really love them.

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  24. Hi Laura,
    I haven't been here in awhile and had to catch up. This post grabbed me, as I know this place so well!

    I recall the painful high school years with my two daughters ~ one thought I was stupid and just plain wrong about everything (the youngest) and the oldest just ignored me. Somehow, miraculously, they went off to college and missed me! And now they love me again, and want to call and talk, and give me thoughtful creative inspiring gifts of themselves.

    You are so right, this too shall pass!

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  25. What you say is so true, but most parents and children manage to survive relatively unscarred :)

    I love your photo. The depth of field is perfect.

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  26. Oh yes, you speak to my heart.
    Mother of 3 grown daughters and 4 granddaughters. Now to the oldest granddaughter I have become a cool grandmother for all I have experienced and share. She and her boyfriend (of all things) like to read what I write. A constant cycle. What you desire - it will return - someday :)

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  27. Like so much of life, the relationships with our children are out of our hands at some point. My daughter's independence started at age 10, and it was a rocky road for a dozen years. In the last ten years there have been more changes, establishment of boundaries, and growth. This was all new to me because I never went through it with my mom ~ for some reason I thought if I always did the right thing that life would work out. That hasn't been true, and now I wish I had found my voice in my teens instead of struggling so long and hard now. Sigh. It is what it is....

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  28. I love the photo of the mushroom. I don't have children, but know what you are taking about.

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